Cool Kids

 Echosmith - Cool Kids
"She sees them walking in a straight line, that's not really her style.
And they all got the same heartbeat, but hers is falling behind.
Nothing in this world could ever bring them down.
Yeah, they're invincible, and she's just in the background.
And she says: I wish that I could be like the cool kids,
'Cause all the cool kids, they seem to fit in.
I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids."

Forever a Hollywood Undead fan

Hollywood Undead - The Loss

This was the first Hollywood Undead song I ever heard and already 30 seconds into the song I was in love. I’ve been a fan ever since.
The reason I fell in love with this song was because I could relate to it. When I first heard this song I was in a pretty black period of my life, and this song helped me a lot. At that time I was pretty sick of myself, furthermore I was really lonely at that time and I didn't have a lot of people to talk to about my problems. Which lead me to a lot of self-harm and too many thoughts.
Because of my problems I lost some of my “friends”, which only made it harder. I kept self-harming and I didn't know how to stop, at some point I even forget how it started. It was like it had always been that way. I tried to keep everything inside, I tried not to show my weakness and my pain, but it was damn hard. I tried really hard not to break down, not to feel and at some point I forgot how to feel. I became like a robot. Whenever I was outside of my room I put up a façade, so no one could see how I really felt, which made me forget how I felt, it made me forget how to feel at all.
There were so many times where I just wanted to leave this shitty life, disappear. I lived a lie and I was so damn tired of it. After a while I didn’t even care about anything. I didn’t wanted help. I just wanted to disappear.
But it got better at some point. A lot of things happened and I don't know exactly what made me better, but I started to get better. Until some jerk ruined it and I was back where it started, maybe even before it started.
Again it got better and that is what kept me going through all the breakdowns. It always got better, which meant that when it felt like the world was going to end it would get better.
Now I’m doing really great and all of the breakdowns and hard times are in the past. I got over it and moved on.
Even though I’m much better this song still means a lot to me, and Hollywood Undead means a lot too. I will always have a soft spot for HU and they would probably always be one of my favourite bands. I don’t know what I would do without HU in my life.
I saw them live in March and that was so amazing. I can’t even describe it. I wore J-Dogs mask from 2009, when I became a fan. After the concert I waited for them outside and when they came out, J-Dog saw the mask and came to talk to me and I felt like dying. It was one of the biggest moments in my life and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget those few minutes I spend talking with J-Dog. I will forever be a Hollywood Undead fan.

 

Do I deserve love?

I’ve been wondering about this for a while now. I have watched the film “The Perks Of Being A Wallflower” a couple of times now and this quote is stuck in my head “We accept the love we think we deserve”.

If this saying is true, then maybe that is why I’m still single. After all the things I’ve been through the past 6 years, maybe I don’t think I deserve to be loved. After all, the one I thought was my one true love left me. Since then all of my relationships have been pretty bad and fucked up. I try really hard not to fall in love with anyone and I reject anyone who might be interested. What if I actually think that I don’t deserve to be loved? I mean I don’t know if I do, but maybe that thought is hidden somewhere in my brain and maybe that thought is why I always run away if someone comes to close or confesses to me. Maybe that is why I’m not happy. I push my chance of happiness away, because I think that I don’t deserve to be loved.

It is a crazy thought, I know, but maybe it is true. And if it is, what the hell am I going to do about it? I really have no idea.

I'm waiting for superman

 Daughtry - Waiting For Superman

I’ve been waiting for my superman, for a long time now. I’ve been waiting for someone who can save me and make it all go away. I’ve been broken for 6 years and I am finally getting better, all I need now is someone to make the rest go away. Everything I listen to this song I can’t help to think how many broken souls there is in this world. I can’t help to think about all the broken souls who need their own superman.

I still don’t understand who the world can be so cruel. Why do we have to get our hearts broken? A broken heart can destroy your life, if the heartbreak is bad enough. My heartbreak almost destroyed my life, but I was strong enough to go on. The worst is that some people aren’t as strong.

I hope I won’t be waiting for my superman forever, but no matter what I will keep waiting, hoping that one day I will find someone, who can mend my broken heart. Someone who will make me happy and not break my heart. The worst part about is that I’m afraid to get my heart broken, I’m afraid to let people in. I just don’t hope that I already met my superman, but let him go because of my fear.

You weren't lying when you said it would sting

 The Neighbourhood - $TING

To be honest I think this song is about us. The lyrics fits our situation so well, I couldn’t describe it better than this. I think I’m going to use this song from now on, if people ask about you. If anyone wants to know our story, they can listen to this song. Many couples got a theme song maybe this is ours.

“I tried to be someone, I lied to be someone else for you. If I had done something a little bit differently, we would’ve moved in a better direction than this, baby.” - This fits my situation so well. I really tried to be someone you could love, I even lied to be good enough for you and every day I wonder if I could have done something else, maybe our relationship wouldn't have gone so wrong.

“If you were human, if you were who I assumed you were, you wouldn't have done this. I thought I did something, but she would do anything to bring me down and she brought me down.” - I sometimes wonder if you really were human, because what you did to me was out of line. I don’t think a normal human being would’ve done that to another human. For a long time I always thought that I was the problem, that it was my own fault, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it wasn’t my fault, it was you. You brought me down for no reason, all I ever did was giving you my love.

“You say that you love me, but you act like you don't. You used to adore me, laughed at all of my jokes. Don't take this the wrong way, you put me in harm's way.” - I really did believe that you loved me, but oh boy I was wrong. You wouldn’t have torn out my heart and stepped on it, if you did love me. You really hurt me and all I did was taking in all of your bullshit and thinking I was the problem that it was my fault you got so mad, but it never was, it was you.

“Imagine our children, how fucked would they be? Mommy's a psycho, daddy lives in a dream. Don't take this the wrong way.” - Everything about this sentence is so right, but I would like to change it to Daddy’s a psycho, mommy lives in a dream. That sounds more right. You were a psycho and I was living in a dream. So I guess if we got any children they would be pretty fucked up.

“I told you I'm sorry, couldn't thank you enough. I thought that I loved you but we weren't in love, we weren't in love.” - I would always apologize when you got mad, even when it wasn’t my fault, but can you blame me? I was afraid you would leave me so I did everything you asked me for and hoped that it was enough, but it wasn’t. For so many years I was sure you were the one, I was sure I loved you with all my heart, but sometimes I think that our love only were an obsession. We were obsessed with each other, but we didn’t love each other. I’m not sure though, because sometimes when I’m sitting alone in my room, thinking about you, it feels like I still love you.

“You were my dream, the way we would fuck. You liked to think, we would push through the bad. Ignoring the problems just to hold what we had.” - You really were my dream. To be honest in your good periods you were the best, but you had to many bad periods. We would always ignore our problems; we would never talk about it because we were afraid of what it would do to our relationship. Maybe if we had talked about it, our situation would have been different, but it isn't and now you are gone and we will probably never talk or even see each other again. I’m still trying to let you go, but sometimes I miss you even though I really don’t want to.

In love with music

Faber Drive - You and I tonight

I love what a song can do to you. It is amazing how one song can remind you of a special time and bring back memories. This song makes me remember a special time in my life, about 6 years ago. It is crazy, because every time I listen to this song I can remember every single thing, down to the smallest detail. Every word that was said, how I felt at that time, sometimes I can even remember specific days, like what weather it was. That is why I fell in love with music, because one song can do this to you.

I'm the Sovereign

Z.Tao - I'm the Sovereign

Yesterday I listened to Zitaos song “I'm the Sovereign” for the first time and it has been on repeat since. This song gives me a special feeling I can’t describe. First of all his voice is really amazing. When he was in EXO, you almost never heard his singing voice; so hearing it now makes me wonder why SME never let him sing.
Second of all the start of the song gives me the chills. That opening is just so damn perfect and the fact that, that part is in the song too makes the song even better.
Third of all I have always loved Taos rap, so I really like the part where he is rapping, and the beat is pretty catching too. I can’t sit still when this song plays.
The video is pretty awesome too, and Tao is so damn cute, even though he tries to be a bad-ass.

Saying goodbye

Chase Coy - Lullaby

Today I lost my best friend. He was a part of my family and has been for 13 years. It was hard watching him take his last breath, and it was hard saying goodbye, but he was sick and old, and he is in a better place now. I guess I will be sad for a while and I will miss him, but he will always be with me in my heart.

It will be hard coming home without him waiting for me at the door and it will be hard not to be able to pet him every time I need comfort, because he was always very good at comforting me. My life will probably be a bit empty for a while, because he was a big part of my life, but every time I’ll get sad and miss him I will think about how great it was to have him in my life for 13 years and how great it was to be there when he left this world. Letting him know that I was there for him and that I loved him. We will probably get another dog at some point, but this dog, my best friend, will always have a special place in my heart. 13 years is a long time and I can’t really remember my life before him. I was 8 when we got him, so that is probably why.

Goodbye Madsen. You were my best friend and my family. I will forever miss you and I will never stop thinking about you. I love you.

 

Memories

Lifehouse - Everything

Sometimes I really love to listen to old songs. They always bring back a lot of memories.

It’s weird though; there is this one song I listen to, from time to time. Every time I listen to it, the memories come back to me and run around in my head like a freaking film. You know just like, when you are watching the best clip from a film. That is how this song makes me feel. Whenever I listen to it, all the best memories from that time come back to me, just like in a film. I can see it before me. The worst part about it, is that when I’m alone, the memories feel like reality, but then it is like I wake up and realise that no matter how much I want to go back, I’m stuck in this shitty present, without the one I love the most and it kills me.